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Can Ubuntu provide a solution to the discipline problems?
I still don’t have the answers. My heart only wants to point the way to Ubuntu. Maybe through Ubuntu we can reach out to open our thoughts and our hearts. Maybe then we can build a new story, a new South Africa. One where we can share our words and views, and together, create a new safe space, a soft-landing place, because “it takes a village to raise this child”.
Masango (2016:3) describes that when children or young ones call the word ntate (father), they are showing a sign of respect to that adult person, and also see him as the one who shapes them into good citizens. As children continue to grow in the village, they are then shaped in respecting people, and the concept of Ubuntu becomes part of their life.
He further goes on to describe the concept of Ubuntu (Masango 2016:8). This is connected to the idea of ancestorship and shapes a way of living that respects human beings, life, the elderly, as well as the villagers (community). This is what Mamma and Sissie were longing for, that one can live with other people in a respectable way.
In this Masango (2016:11) sees some challenges. The world has changed and continues to change in such a way that it challenges the above concept of Ubuntu. For example, we are experiencing violence and abuse within African communities. While African people faced the challenges of women and child abuse, they were forced to re-examine where the concept of Ubuntu broke down. They needed to analyse the way they were raising their children in these modern times.
The day I saw Mamma and Sissie I felt bad that I couldn’t give them any answers on how to discipline their children. I could only pray for them. It felt like they didn’t think that prayers would help anymore. This discipline problem was like a cross without a reason.
Today I realise that I cannot give an answer. What works for me in my western way of thinking would not work for them.
Mamma says that they can’t throw the children away – she hopes that God will change them.
Discipline that is determined by faith
In my conversations with the three families that are affiliated with the Christian religion, I found that all of them stated that the Bible was very important when raising and disciplining their children. The three Christian families were the families of Mrs. Van der Merwe, Mr. and Mrs. Govender and Mr. and Mrs. Abdoel. Though the Govender’s and the Abdoel’s have prominent Indian surnames, they are Christian families, and not to be confused with the prominent Indian religions like Hinduism and the Muslim faith.
Mrs Van der Merwe also connected to this when she said that faith determines discipline and is the reason why we discipline. For her being a Christian is about having a living relationship with the Lord. God’s will for her life is important to her, because she feels that she cannot do everything on her own, without the Lord.
Her living relationship with God has a great impact on her life. This is what she also wants for her child, and that is why she disciplines her. We take our children in the first place to Jesus, just like He ordered us to do, to the best of our ability. And from there we facilitate and support them on their road which the Lord is going to walk with them and will reveal to them.
The way that Amoateng & Richter (2003:244) describe families also relate to this. They say that families perform a number of vital social functions, like the socialisation of children and the inculcation of moral and social values; the provision of material and emotional sustenance to family members and care of dependant family members, including children, older persons and sick and disabled individuals; antisocial behaviour and the infringement of taboos; the maintenance of family morale and identity, which creates mutual obligations and responsibilities and the motivation to perform pro-social roles inside and outside the family; and the launch of young people into roles and functions in the wider society.
Honour and obey God
Mrs Govender said in our conversation, that she has the fear of the Lord and through discipline also wants her son to have it. I asked her about what she thought is, “the fear of the Lord”, through her explanation I could see that for her this meant that she has a deep relationship and a great love for the Lord and does not want to disappoint Him. In her relationship with the Lord she wants to obey and honour Him, and in her relationship with her child, she wants to guide him to do the same.
She said, “a child would not want to disappoint his parents, because he loves them. And I guess that’s my feeling towards God. I am not a perfect child, but I know that I love him, and that is where the fear of the Lord comes from love.” She also wants her son to have this kind of relationship with the Lord. I agree with them, because if I can coach and discipline my children in such a way that they will stay on the paths of the Lord, I will feel blessed.
Mrs Govender explained it further by saying that she wants her son to love God, and that’s the kind of fear he must have towards God. She wants him to have respect and honour God and not to turn away from what he has been taught. This made me think of Luther’s words truth and encouragement, in that the work of mothers and fathers are regarded as a most holy calling and obligation.
It has a twofold importance for me. First, in terms of family ministry in our time we must realise that parenting is a holy calling. We cannot fulfil this calling without the help and guidance of the Lord. Second, if we help parents to understand that we have an obligation towards not only our kids but also to the Lord, we can help parents to understand the utmost importance of the work that we as parents are doing.
Barna & Myers (2017:24) expressed that we must teach children the joy of obedience. They described it as following Christ’s teachings not to avoid punishment but to experience the joy that comes from obedience. They made a very inspiring statement that means that obedience is simply our opportunity to say “thank you” to Jesus for all He has done for us. For them we are given the chance to say “thank you” dozens of times a day, through the choices we make- choices that either please our Lord or pull us away from Him. John 14:15 tells us how Jesus put it: “If you love me, keep my commands.”
I agree with Barna & Myers (2017:24), but want to add that Christian parents, under the authority of the Lord, have the responsibility to teach their children to grow spiritually. Christian parents need to teach their children the ways – morals and values, of the Christian religion, and discipline them accordingly. It’s almost like saying that the first place for us as Christians, when we think of disciplining a child to start is to realise that through the way we discipline and educate our children we want them to be closer to God and not further away. It’s like saying that the authority of God is the starting point of discipline. Because we as parents live and function under the authority of the Lord and through the way we live and parent, we want to lead our children to also live close to Him.
Honour and obey your parents
Mrs Govender and Mrs Abdoel introduced this theme in our conversations. I believe, like Barth (Bunge ed. 2001:399), that the divine commandment that children honour their mother and father is of the utmost importance. Barth further describes that it consists in a divinely appointed spiritual mission to carry and mediate a promise of grace to one’s children (this is then also the first commandment with a promise). Luther (Bunge ed 2001:146) made a vital statement in this regard, saying that if God’s will is observed, nothing is more important than the will and words of our parents.
Chapter 1 The practical side of voicing the relationship between child discipline and religion
1.1 The voice of reason
1.2 The two focal points: Religion and discipline
1.3 The voice of my research
1.4. Voices to listen to
1.5. In Conclusion
Chapter 2. Background: Christian religion
2.1. A Biblical perspective on discipline, children and parenting
2.2. Browning’s thoughts on families and children
2.3 The place of evolutionary Psychology in a Practical theological ethics of family
2.9. Jack O. Balswick and Judith K.Balswick’s Christian perspective on the contemporary home
2.10. The theology of the child according to Bonhoeffer
2.11. Barna’s perspectives on families and children
2.12. My theology on children
Chapter 3. A voice of discipline from African, Hindu, Islam and Jewish religious background
3.1. Background: African religion
3.2. Background: Hindu religion
3.3. Background: The Islam religion
3.4. Background: Jewish religion
3.5. In conclusion
Chapter 4: A voice of families in South Africa
4.1. Voicing South African families
4.2. The uniqueness of South African Families
4.3. Poverty’s influence on families
4.4. Apartheid’s influence on families
4.5. HIV/AIDS’s influence on South Africa
4.6. Absent fathers in South Africa
4.7. Female-headed households in South Africa
4.8. Marriage narratives
4.9. Divorce
4.10. Parenting and Children’s problem behaviour
4.11. Conclusion
Chapter 5. VOICES OF DISCIPLINE: PARENTING STYLES, TECHNIQUES AND PATTERNS
5.1. Diana Boumrind’s parenting patterns/styles
5.2 The DDI: The Dimensions of Discipline Inventory (DDI) test
5.3. Gershof et al’s (2010:488), thoughts on disciplining techniques
5.4. Passini’s views on discipline techniques
5.5 Positive Parenting strategy
5.6. Giles-Sims & Lockhart’s four rival parenting cultures
5.7. Harsh physical punishment
5.8.In Conclusion
6. VOICES ON DISCIPLINE FROM EDUCATION
6.1 Discipline in schools
6.2 The “discipline problem” in South African Schools
6.3 Education’s impact on society
6.4. The turn in education from 1994
6.5. The Human Rights Movement after 1994 in South Africa
6.6. The postmodern man
6.7. Secularism’s influence on discipline in schools
6.8. Two sides of a coin
6.9. School violence
6.10. The handling of misconduct
6.11. A possible alternative approach to learner discipline.
6.12. Van der Walt and Oosthuizen’s proposal for an alternative approach to (restoring) learner discipline.
6.13. In conclusion.
Chapter 7 Parents and children’s voices
7.1. Voicing narratives on how religion influences an African parent’s way of disciplining children: Meet Mamma and Sissie
7.2. Voicing narratives on how religion influences a Christian parent’s way of disciplining children: Meet the Govender’s, Abdoel’s and van der Merwe’s
7.3. Voicing narratives on how religion influences a Hindu parent’s way of disciplining children: Meet the Guru and the Pundit
7.4. Voicing narratives on how religion influences Islam parent’s way of disciplining children: Meet the Malek’s
7.5. Voicing narratives on how religion influences a Jewish parent‘s way of disciplining children: Meet the Levy’s
7.6. In conclusion
Chapter 8 Reflection on affiliates thoughts on religion and discipline
8.1. Themes that came out of the narrative of Mamma and Sissie
8.2. Reflection on affiliative of Christian religion’s thoughts on discipline
8.3. Themes that came out of the narrative of the affiliatives of the Hindu religion’s: the Gurru and the Pundit
8.4. Themes that came out of the narrative of the Malek’s
8.5. Themes that came out of the narrative of the Levy’s
8.6. In conclusion
Chapter 9 In conclusion
9.1. Does religion have an influence on the way parents discipline their children?
9.2. The return of religion in discipline: The Challenge to Pastoral Family Therapy
9.3. The youth needs to gain life’s meaning in religion
9.4. The Church as Parent’s partners
9.5. The role of baptism in terms of discipline – the fulfilment of parents and the church’s promise
9.6. In conclusion.
Chapter 10 A voice of reflection
10.1. A voice of reflection on the journey of research
10.2. A reflection on the influence of different religions
10.3. A reflection on the influence of education
10.4. A voice of personal reflection
10.5. A voice in closing
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