Impact of Baby on the Relationship

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Relationship conflict and stability

Kurdek (2005) stated that conflict in same-sex relationships is resolved better than in heterosexual relationships; lesbian relationships have been described as more empathic, egalitarian and satisfying than heterosexual relationships. Ussher and Perz (2008) found that during times of distress, such as during premenstrual tension, partners are able to provide support, as opposed to heterosexual women who report being misunderstood and may instead be pathologised during this time. Gay and lesbian couples tend to divide household work and paid work more equitably than heterosexual couples, even when they have children (Patterson, Sutfin, & Fulcher, 2004; Shechory & Ziv, 2007). Kurdek (2007) discussed that increased satisfaction is found within relationships where there is fairly equitable division of labour in the home.
Contrary to popular belief that their relationships are transient and uninvolved, most gays and lesbians prefer stable relationships (Danielle, et al., 2003). Unstable relationships in lesbian women are attributed to the same relational difficulties which all couples experience (Danielle, et al., 2003; O’Hanlan & Isler, 2007) and Kurdek (2006) found that lesbian couples have been found to disagree about the same topics that heterosexual couples do. Gay and lesbian cohabiting couples can dissolve their partnerships with fewer barriers than married couples face and therefore can leave unhappy unions with greater ease than heterosexual relationships (Connolly, 2005; Kurdek, 2004). Solomon, Balsam and Rothblum (2004) found that of lesbian, gay and heterosexual couples, gay and lesbian couples have much less family contact and social support from their families and partners‟ families, than heterosexuals; even those couples who entered into civil union.

Lesbian-led families

Despite discrimination, lesbian women have been able to express pride in the strength of their achievements and the diversity of their families (Perlesz & McNair, 2004; Perlesz, Brown, McNair, Lindsay, Pitts & De Vaus, 2006; Short, Riggs, Perlesz, Brown & Kane, 2007). The resiliency of lesbian parents serves to guard against the experiences of marginalisation (Lee, 2009). According to Hequembourg (2004), oppression and discrimination can influence lesbian women to form egalitarian relationships in their partnerships and in parenthood. This Literature Review influences positivity in the transition to parenthood. In a New Zealand study, Gunn and Surtees (2009) described several strengths identified by gay and lesbian parents. These included developing a broader sense of family for their children, as well as having an ability to create a family which recognises social diversity.
Reluctance in society to accept lesbians as parents relates almost entirely to their sexual identity and associated stereotypes (Wilde, 2007). As Berokowitz (2009) discussed, lesbian motherhood has been described as an oxymoron; the concept of motherhood being incongruent with lesbian women. Golding (2006) related that the lesbian woman must manage the societal emphasis which is placed upon motherhood, in a context where her sexual orientation makes her unsuitable as a parent. According to Wilde (2007), masculine traits that are associated with lesbian identity make lesbian women unsuitable as mothers in the eyes of others. Religious publications have referred to relationship breakdown, sexual promiscuity, gender identity confusion, and even sexual abuse of children as a concern for child welfare in relation to gay and lesbian families.

Introduction
Brief overview of evolving family structures
The research question, aims and objectives
Context of the research question
Comment on positioning
Thesis structure
Background
The transition to parenthood
Significant changes to the couple
Recognising relationships in Aotearoa, New Zealand
Homophobia and stigma
Being ‘out’
Lesbian women and healthcare
Literature Revie
The impact on relationships
Relationship conflict and stability
Lesbian-led families
Impact on children
Theoretical Framework
The emergence of queer theory
The essence of queer theory
The overlap of feminist and queer theory
Gender and sexuality
Queer theory and the lesbian-led family
Methodology
Qualitative research design
The semi structured face-to-face interview
Self disclosure and the use of self
Ethical considerations
Recruitment
Sampling
Participant characteristics
Process
Data saturation
Data analysis
Trustworthiness
Findings: Planning a family
Considering
The relationship and partn
Commitment
The decision to start a family
Beginning
Creating a family
Finding a donor
Getting pregnant
Findings: Impact of Baby on the Relationship
Focusing on baby
Being shattered
Surviving
Changes in sexual relationships
Decreased leisure time
Losing my freedom
Prioritising the parental role
Mutual support
Appreciation for family
Findings: Responses ofthe
Heterosexualising the relationship and family
Experiences of marginalisation
Donor boundaries
Recognition of the non-biological parent
Navigating the straight world
Health care professionals responses
Positive responses
Negative responses
Discussion
A lesbian family in a straight world
Invisibility and coping with heteronormativity
Queering healthcare
Donors and biology
Emotional investment
Donor boundaries
Biological emphasis
Two mothers
Recognition of the non-biological mother
Queering parenthood
Conclusion

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“A lesbian family in a straight world”: The impact of the transition to parenthood on the couple relationship in planned families